The following letter was a letter I wrote on Jan 1st 2022, to help to heal my heart after my very first embryo transfer failed in December, found out just before Christmas & was completely crushed. Sadly a month & 21 days after writing this letter our second embryo transfer was also not successful... We now have one embryo left of 3, crossing my fingers & toes that 3rd time is a charm. 🤞🤞
Dear Future baby,
I hope and pray you know how much you are wanted, wishes for, prayed for & loved you are the most wanted thing in my life & I would go to the ends of the earth for you if I knew you would of come into my life tomorrow. My heart aches for you in a way I never felt possible. When I am writing this I have never met you yet, but been trying for 7years to conceive you. But that doesn't mean I don't think about you a lot or wonder who you will be.
I can't wait for the day we meet because I know God will bless me with the greatest gift a human can receive... YOU!!! I dream everyday if the beautiful moment you'll come into not only my life but this world. You'll leave an ever lasting glow in my heart like you do this ever lasting ache waiting for you.
I know it will make me eternally happy no matter what conflicts may arise in life. Although it's nice to dream I know that what I'm imagining now won't compare to what it'll actually feel like when your here.
I pray you get to know real love and real friendship. I pray you never have to feel your heart aching in your chest as you hold yourself at night. I hope this world never hardens your heart & you always know the difference between what is real & what is nothing more than an illusion of paradise, I want you to be fearless and true to yourself all the days of your life.
You are the one who made me a mom after years of heartbreak. I would be lying if I said it was easy, but I wouldn't trade all the lessons or heartbreak for the world that it took to bring you into this world. IVF was physically, emotionally & mentally hard on my body, but if it weren't for IVF we wouldn't have you & for that I am truly grateful. Sometimes I may mess up or not have enough energy or show you the grace that you deserve & some days I might let you down, but everyday my sweet child everyday I will love you more than the last & I hope you will always see how much you are loved.
You are one of the best things to happen in my life, even if you took years to become a reality. I hope you have a giant heart like I do, but never let the world change you. When we tried to get pregnant we never thought or imagined it would be so hard to bring you into this world.
My biggest hope for you is that you one day find someone who loves you more than anything in life (including us) because you are deserving of a love so strong it moves mountains. I also pray one day you never know the heartache we went thru to bring you into this world & that you are able to become a parent on your own terms, not at the mercy of the universe, source or god.
I pray you never grow to old to think your mom is cool & you one day grow up the be my best friend. As I write this letter on Jan 1st 2022 we have already had a failed embryo transfer & holding onto hope that transfer #2 is the one that brings you to us!!! I love you more than you will ever know my sweet baby & cannot wait for you to grow in my belly, hold you in my arms & love you for real, instead of holding you in my heart.
Love your mommy xoxo